My story has a very rocky beginning. I end up being raised by my grandmother and grandfather, because my father left and my mother had a nervous breakdown. I was raised with 2 brothers. I did have a home, although my grandmother was by-polar and extremely aggressive for most of her time, but my grandfather was a good man. I was raised in really great church, which gave me a chance to survive. But for most of my life, I kept feeling a desire have some sort of sanity. My Christian walk with God was based on emotions and no matter how much I prayed to God, he did not make me any better or improve my situation to point that I could live. God did do a lot of other things for me, which I am greatful, but he did not give me essential things that I needed to survive (such as a logical though process). For a boy with no father, a by-polar mother (and grandmother); logic was something that I creaved, even if I had know idea that it existed.
In an earlier post, I tried to explore speaking in tongues. I dont really want to get into that debate right now, but I do want to say that speaking in tongues did give me a sense that God was there. All of the spiritual gifts that I had, made me know that God loved me and that was great! The problem still existed that I could not deny; after every church service, I would go home and my illogical, emotional self would be there with all of it's confusions and fears. I was prayed over by many traveling evangelists and pastors, but nothing actually happened. The point at which I started getting a handle on reality, was when I came to a Christian College. I was 21 and had no career path, but I knew that I had to come to this particular college; it was something spiritual that drove me.
At college I was not let down. I had a support staff of some of the finest teachers in the world. Dr Tinker and Mike Aleckson were the ones that made the most difference. They both took many hours out of their days to talk me through by illogical feelings and give me a logical basis for living and living for God. At this very point, life started to become something that I could live.
February 18, was a day that, in the middle of all this change at College, I decided to rededicate my heart to God and to be re-baptized. Although, that in itself was very confusing, but while being baptized, the Pastor (Rev Steve Finney) prayed over me and this time, God did give me a truly spiritual type of thing. I did speak in tongues, although I dont know for sure if that was from God, but I did really feel something inside me change. That day marked the end of one long chapter of my life and a beginnng of a new day; armed with logic and an awareness that God was with me, and some truly spiritual experiences (I know they are spiritual because they cause substantial change) I began to live this life that I have now.
God has granted me a life that I can live; I have been able to find the women of my dreams and has given me friends that I can build the Kingdom with and many, many other great things. I write this post, because I know others have struggles that I have had; all I want to do is let people know there is a path that does work and God is part of it (and so is logic)!
